A Change Of Attitude

I have been doing a lot of soul searching this week already, looking at myself and making change for the better. Not just accepting the inevitable but looking at my options in a more positive light. It's that age old proposition, are you a glass half empty or a glass half full type of person. I am sometimes told that I am being a Pessimist sometimes where I just think I am being a Realist because I do think there is a distinct difference.

If I say that I can't do something, it's not a total pessimistic attitude, it can be a realist attitude because there is a real reason behind the initial statement, so it isn't just an open comment. The reason I am a Realist is because I can't do something, I will then find a way to learn how to do it. Not just move on to something I can do instead.

The video above doesn't really give you all the answers and to be honest, it would be impossible because we all have different factors in our lives that affect our emotional state. What it does hint at is trying to reinforce a common message. It did make me think of my current situation of trying to find a job and being told that I am not good enough for that particular role but the reality is that there are a lot more positives than negatives. What I have realized is that the places I have managed to get interviews at and the people I have met and made into contacts, others can only dream of. There is now a huge network of professional designers that I am a part of and have access to.

So flipping a negative in to a real positive isn't that difficult.

Instead of saying, "I don't know how to do that", I now realize just how much I do know how to do which in real terms is a lot more than what I don't know.

Instead of saying, " I can't do that", there is a hell of a lot more that I can do. If this was equated into a picture of a seesaw and you had a bag of positive on one end and a bag of negative on the other, the negative bag should never ever touch the floor.

Just to finish, I was cooking tea last night and one night a week we ask our daughter what she would like to eat as a treat. Last night it was sausage, egg and chips, a staple kids favourite. Whilst cooking the fried eggs, I noticed that I always flip them to cook them properly, covering up the yolk. The best bit is seeing the bright yellow yolk, especially when its runny and you can dip your chips in to it. The Americans have a great phrase when asking how you like your eggs cooked, sunny side up.

So from now on, no covering up and hiding away, its sunny side up for me every day.

Can you ever, really be, too old?

I remember a few years ago when I started out on this new pathway. Leaving behind the tedium of working in an office and reaching for a new career as a designer. The dream was to one day, work for a design agency. To be around like minded individuals who loved the same things as me, whether it be a great piece of typography or a well crafted piece of art, kindred spirits basically.

So, as a lot of other students did, I tried to craft my portfolio to get a foot in the door of a big London agency. Somewhere where I would not only learn a great deal more but to be honest, a name that would look great on my CV for the future. In my mind, I assumed that I had the advantage over a lot of other students leaving University. Not only a good degree but a wealth of other skills that could only benefit a company. How wrong was I? Very.

We live in a very politically correct society and you cannot discriminate against anybody but, I never thought that the design industry would be so ageist! There, I've said it, ageist. When it comes to getting interviews, I very rarely encounter a problem getting my foot in the door to show my portfolio. I don't send off a fancy piece of self promotion, I don't try and schmooze the creative directors, I just usually send an honest email explaining what I am looking for and asking for a few moments of their time.

All well and good you may say but, here's the problem. I am beginning to wonder if they are offering me an interview just to see who turns up. They look at my CV and whilst it doesn't say how old I am, they must be curious. Believe me I am not being bitter or angry in any shape or form but it is getting incredibly frustrating trying to get a break. Just like any other designers starting out there are flaws with my design work, I am not going to big headed enough to say that my work is fantastic, because it isn't but it is not the worst I have seen by a long shot. I never intimate that I know it all, in fact I always say that I still have a lot to learn and that is why I need the placement opportunity as there is only so much you can teach yourself sometimes.

Others don't understand why I just don't become a freelance designer and start my own business instead. Believe me I have wrestled with the idea for too long. I have attended business courses, researched business practise and to be honest, I have all the knowledge I need so why haven't I done it yet? The truth is, that I don't want to. I have no real desire to carry on working by myself and cannot bear the thought that i will never work for a company ever again. I used to like getting up for work, the commute there and back but most of all, I used to like having someone else to talk to every day, someone to socialise with. You tell people what you do and they comment how great it is being at home, being able to do what you want to do, being there for your daughter, being able to go out for a coffee when you feel like it but the reality is, I bloody hate it!

When we had our daughter, because I wasn't working, we decided that I would stop at home whilst my wife went back to work and I would look after her. It was a great time and I thoroughly enjoyed it and I  now have a great relationship with her but that was then. Now she is at school and I want to do what I want to do now. I don't want to be the parent at home that is always there in the school holidays and playing house husband, I have had enough. Why can't I have a career now?

I'll tell you why. Because I am too old!

I have had quite a few interviews the past few weeks and have received a similar response at every one of them. They prefer to hire younger designers because they have better and more fresh ideas. They bring a fun atmosphere into the studio and don't mind getting stuck in. So why bother to interview me in the first place then, I don't get it. They get a copy of my CV and Portfolio when I apply so they know what I am capable of and this in turn gets me an interview, so it must be of an acceptable standard for an entry level role or surely, they wouldn't waste their time interviewing me would they? So what happens? I end up travelling to London every week, full of expectations that one of these interviews will be successful.

In the last month I have been for 37 interviews. Yes 37. It has cost me a few hundred pounds in travel expenses let alone other costs. I just wish they would have phoned me and said, thanks for applying but on this occasion, we will not be taking it any further. Disappointing but not as much as leading me on all the time.

Before you think that they are not allowed to decline you based on your age and never say you are too old in an interview, there are more subtle ways around it. What generally happens is the issue is skirted around with questions like, so how come you decided on the career change? How did you find University? Until you eventually feel like mentioning that, "yes, I know I am not your typical student and a bit older but I have worked just as hard to get where I am today". At this point you can visibly see the relief on their faces that you have brought the issue into the conversation and now they can broach the subject by saying the studio is quite a young environment with fresh thinkers, blah blah blah.

So that is why you cannot take them to task for discriminating against your age, which is illegal. They never say in specific words, " sorry, but you are too old for the job". Not in those exact words but they really know how to make you feel old and unworthy.

To be really honest, I know that I am not alone trying to get a design job and there are thousands out there trying to do the same but I would feel more comfortable with myself it it was purely based on talent and not age. I can cope with being told that my work isn't good enough at the moment and it isn't the required standard but not when my age is also brought into it.

The reason I am writing this is to help me decide what to do next. Yesterday I was all for clearing out the studio and selling all my books and equipment on Ebay and then walking to the local Job Centre and ask for any job going. I sometimes think it would be easier to pack it all in and go and stack shelves at Tesco or something. Sorry, be a visual merchandiser! But, I made a promise to my wife that if I cannot get a design job by the end of February, then I would set up by myself. The truth is that I will probably be able to get enough work in and make some money but it will be forcing myself to take on jobs like designing posters for a local W.I. show or business cards for Bill the plumber etc etc. When what I really want to do is create inspiring packaging for a living instead.

So today, I am literally on my knees at the crossroads, despairing what to do next. Most people who know me think I am mad and don't understand why I don't set my own agency up. The truth is that whilst I have a good virtual social network, I want a real social network.

Word therapy, done!